Who Knew
by NefariousVestal
Summary: After season 2 how is Jude surviving? Updated Oct,12,2007.Songs Used so far:Who KnewPINKNobody knows it but meKevin SharpMore then a memoryGarth Brooks
1. Chapter 1

Who Knew!

RedStar, Varley990, Scarlett Harlot. (Sammy)

Disclaimer:Not mine, Instant Star belongs to... Someone and Who Knew belongs to Pink!

A/N: This is in not part of "Maybe I miss your body" I was lisenting to this song and came up with this little diddy of a story.

I walk in to the studio, I feel everyone's eyes on me. The yall saw what happened the last time I tried to record. That was three weeks ago, only a month since you left me. Kwest is my producer now, he was sitting there waiting for me to sing so he could record. Memories of you surrounded me. I ran in to the lobby, trippped and ended up oon my knees. Tears were pouring down my face. Over and Over I sobbed your name. Sadie knelled beside me and and held me, Kwest wraped us both in his arms. We sat there rocking, mouring your departure. Daruis told everyone to leave, they did. Portia sat down in front of me. I looked in to her eyes expecting to see vindication, instead I sawpity and acceptance. She whispred softly to me " You really loved him, didn't you?". My only reply, a broken version of your name and the nodding of my head. Sadie, Kwest and Portia got up at what must have been a comand from Daruis. I fell flat from my knees. I curled up like a small child hidding under tha bed. And still the tears didn't stop. Darius picked me up, he carried me to his office. He laid me down gently on the couch, the one that is the same shade as your eyes. I fell asleep dreaming of you.When he left he must have talked to my sister, she must have told him everything she knew. He asked a lot of people , then he told me, he would let you come back. He said he could understand our emotions. Now none of us speak you name aloud, for me however, it is a talismen. Your name gives me strengh.

I woke up, and found Darius had gotten me an apartment near G-Major. Sadie and me slept there that night. The next moring people brought my stuff. Kwest brought some of your things, clothes and cologne. He used his key to your apartment. He said it was okay you wouldn't get mad at him. I sleep every night in a pair of your boxers and one of your t-shirts. Haveing some form of you is all that keeps me sane. Some people brought papers, emansipation papers. My mom had signed them, My dad had signed them, even some lawyers signed them. So I signed them to, what else could I do? No one wanted me, not even you. So now before I go to court, before some judge tells me I'm a legel adult, I will once again brave this studio, face down all that wait for me to break down. I will do this, simply so I can sig you a song. I pray you hear it, Darius said that he would see that it is played everywhere they have radios. I have learned it in serval different langues. French first. I learned a lot of french, I thought that would make you proud of me. I reach the recording space and find my friends waitng. I start to sing, I close my eyes. An endless torent of memories assault me.

You took my hand  
You showed me how  
You promised me you'd be around  
Uh huh  
That's right  
I took your words  
And I believed  
In everything  
You said to me  
Yeah huh  
That's right

I belive in you. I will always belive in you.

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them up  
Cause they're all wrong  
I know better  
Cause you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew

Some people whisper, I hear them, they say you'll never be back. They'er wrong.

Remember when we were such fools  
And so convinced and just too cool  
Oh no  
No no  
I wish I could touch you again  
I wish I could still call you friend  
I'd give anything

I wanna touch you. I wanna be your friend. I want you to belive in me. I look up , Kwest is crying. Darius has his head down, his sholders shaking slightly. He too feels the pain that haunts G-Major and all those who love you and miss you so much.

When someone said count your blessings now  
For they're long gone  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong  
They knew better  
Still you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew

Yeah yeah  
I'll keep you locked in my head  
Until we meet again  
Until we  
Until we meet again  
And I won't forget you my friend  
What happened

I think about you everyday. I pray for you every night. But I no longer cry, I can't. I won't forget you, I can't.

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong and  
That last kiss  
I'll cherish  
Until we meet again  
And time makes  
It harder  
I wish I could remember  
But I keep  
Your memory  
You visit me in my sleep  
My darling  
Who knew  
My darling  
My darling  
Who knew  
My darling  
I miss you  
My darling  
Who knew  
Who knew

That last kiss, it gives me hope. I know you'll come back. I need you. I don't know how much longer I can last. As I finish the song, I fall to my knees in tearlesssobs. I rember the night you left. You got in that car and some place deep inside of me screamed, my soul screamed in pain. Real phyical pain. It shred me. You looked back, you waved, but it looked more like you were trying to hold on, not letting go.

This is only a one shot. Please, please review. Pleae I will cry if you don't. :Breaks down in Jude like sobs:


	2. Chapter 2

Nobody Knows  
RedStar, Varley99  
Disclaimer: I do not own IS or the song Nobdy Knows. The song belongs toKevin Sharp

* * *

Tommy,  
I've started this letter a hundred times. And I know you won't read it till you come back, but I know you'll be back. It's been eight moths sience you left. 6 months sence I moved out on my own. Sadie moved in with Kwest not long after. Our childhood home was sold and I haven't seen Mom or Dad. I'm alone Tommy, everyone's left me.

I pretend that I'm glad you went away  
But these four walls close in more every day

Yeah, Kwest is my producer now. But I find no Joy in recording anymore. So I sing my songs, mostly sad ones. And I beg Mason or Portia to help me write Happy ones, then I sing them half hearted. As long as I have a few happy songs, Party songs, No one worries to much. I've caused them enough worry.

And I'm dying inside and nobody knows it  
But me  
Like a clown I put on a show  
The pain is real even if nobody knows  
And I'm crying inside and nobody knows it  
But me

"Who Knew" Went platinam, Daruis threw me a huge party. I remeber hopeing you'd show up. I let them paint my face and dress me up. I waited near the dor all night, the only time I left it was to sing on stage but only for a few minuets. I then retook my place by the door and waited till long after everyone else had left. You never came. I admited, to myself at least, that I had known you wouldn't. That was the last time I made it obvlious that I was waiting for you Tom Quency. Please forgive me Tommy, but it's unfair to keep making them worry.

Why didn't I say the things I needed to say  
How could I let my angel get away  
Now my world is tumblin' down  
I can see it so clearly but you're nowhere around

I'm controled by indrustry, I've been bult up so high I'm afraid I'm about to fall.Every belife I counted on has been knocked down. The people I was sure I could trust are gone, and the bad guys are my only friends: Sadie, The Sister I never got along with, Is now one of My few best Friends. Mason, My replacement, Another unlikely source of frinedship. Dauris has taken the place of my Father. And yet I am alone. I keep this my screct, No one can ever Know.

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had  
And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me

I spend sleepless night writing songs of broken hearts, all for you Tommy. I keep them hidden, I'll show you when you come back. I know you'll be back. You love me, Tommy. I think about you all the time even if I never show it anymore. I have a key to your apartment, I hope you dont mind. I have a lot of your stuff at my place now. You'll have to come over and get it when You get back. I needed it, Tommy. When I am wearing one of your shirts I can pretend that, your there and I'm wraped in your arms.I feel safe and a little less lonely.

How blue can I get, you could ask my heart  
Just like a jugsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart

I cry for the peices of you took with you. I never understood how much you really ment to me. Now I see and your not here to know how much I appreciate you. I need you, for my music, for my career, for my me. I need you Tommy! Hurry Home!

A million words couldn't say just how I feel  
A million years from now, you know, I'll be loving you still

Daruis told the publicty people to leave me alone about dating. One of the new guys had this brillent Ideal that I should go to my albm release, the one in L.A, with this up and coming Punk singer. He was nice but he wasn't you and Dauris told me it was okay. Mason was my date instead. I wondered the whole night if you were there or if you were watching me on T.V.

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had  
And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me

I guess you never heard "Who Knew" or maybe you didn't understand it was ment for you. Most of my songs are ment for you, always have been. I had hoped you'd hear it and come back, but you haven't. Not yet, anyway. Dauris hads people looking for you, he tells me to keep the faith. Really he said to me "Jude, Keep the faith, I'll find him". I hope he finds you soon! I need you Tommy!

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had  
Nobody knows it but me

I can't let them know how bad I miss you. I must keep it a secret, one that I alone carry. But I know your coming back, You wouldn't leave me and I need you. Something bad is comeing. I can feel it. I can't tell them I'm scared. I can't tell them that I miss you or that I still in love with you. I will always been in love with you. But Nobody Knows it but me.

Love Always,  
Jude Harrison

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Okay ppl please please review. This was originaly a one-shot but I just started thinking and I belive I will make it a serries. 


	3. Chapter 3

More then a Memory:

Varley, Scarlet, Red

Disclaimer: I do not own Instant star, Nor do I own More then a memory. Garth Brooks however does. I did change the words from She to He.

**_Song Lyrics are in Bold Italic _**

* * *

Spied kept shooting her secret glances as he set up the recording equipment in the much loved rehearsal space.

"What?", Jude directed her voice towards Spied, while focusing on the pencil in her hand and the journal in fornt of her.When he didn't answer, she questioned again, "Spied?".

"Are you SURE you wanna do this Jude?",Spied asked coming up behind her. Jude quickly flipped over her journal, not wanting anyone privy to the lyrics till she was ready.

She fixed her angelic blue eyes on him and replied "Darius said he wants another bootleg, a bootleg he will get. And this most certainly will get attention on my coming album". Jude flashed a smile and winked. Jude stood form the Couch and moved next to Mason, her Producer for the bootleg.

"You just about ready, Fox"? Mason focused on the old skool sound board in front of him, under his breath the cowboy whispered, "I can do this, I can do this".

"That's our little engine that can", Jude laughed at him and danced over to the already set-up mic checking to be sure it was proper before flinging herself back down on the couch. Spied grinned at his Ex's antics, it was good to see her so happy, she was obvious over Lord Squenty Frown.

"Actually, the Train in question said "I think I can, I think I can" ; that's not what I'm saying", Mason corrected never looking away from the sound board.

"Dude, how do you know that?", Kyle asked amazed and amused.

Mason blushed, "Kwest, as part of my preparation; may have read that book to me...a few times". S.M.E cracked up, tears spilling out kyle's eyes. Jude giggled before intervening, "Give Fox a break; Kwest is looking for any excuse to practice, now that my sister has him volunteering to read to kindergarten kids".

The snickering continued but faded off as everyone started tuning their instruments. Jude kicked back for a moment, taking a little time to reflect. Reflecting, something she'd avoided on the most part for the last ten months or so. When Jude did choose to check out of reality, she did so around a crowd of people, that way some one was bound to wake her up long before her thoughts got too morose. Ten Months ago Tom Quincy had disappeared with nothing but a simple "bye". No one had heard from him since; or if they had no one was telling her. Five months ago Jude had made a choice and stopped grieving for Tom publicly. She had seen the pain she was putting her loved ones though and knew she had to stop hurting them. Everyone shouldn't suffer for one person's mistakes. No one knew hoe much Jude still thought about Tommy, she made sure they all thought she'd forgotten him. Lately people had even started speaking his name again. His things had been boxed up and packed into storage. All trace of Thomas Quency was gone form G-Major. That wasn't the only change made in his absence, not there had been many. So many, in fact, they had forced Jude to accept that life does move on. Now she had another new Instant Star to compete with, though there really was no competing. The New Girl, Karma, had a completely different sound then Jude, and sad to say it was not a popular one. Jude wished her well with her future, but saw a difficult road for the new star. A silently Jude thanked her lucky stars she'd had Tom to guide fer for a while. Though losing him had made life extremely difficult for a while, there'd been one hell of a learning curve. Tom's absenc had effected other people's lives as well. G-Major, needing a new producer had looked inside the company and found a gem, Mason Fox. This Instant Star, turned Grammy winning artist was now trying his hand at producing. Kwest had trained the already obvious talent. And while this was Mason's first time flying solo, Jude had faith is his ability. Mason didn't know but she'd requested him especially for this project. Speaking of Kwest, he and Sadie had started dating and one month ago moved in together. That left Jude alone in the large house to fend for herself, Stuart being away so much. Jude had finally given in a bought her self a small apartment with a great view. Kwest and Sadie's relationship had angered Liam and after failing to get them both fired from the company, he'd taken a new post and relocated to L.A. Spied and S.M.E were the real story, they'd gone solo and where a major success. She'd had to get a new back-up band, but still cola berated with her ex-band mates. They were even gearing up for a tour in the new year. Everything was going wonderfully, well almost everything, Tom still haunted Jude. So much so he'd inspired her new song, the first one she'd written since he'd left.

"Jude, Ready?", Mason's voice was moth nervous and worried. He was the only person who knew the subject of the song they were laying down today. Jude nodded her head and noticing that everyone was staring at her from their places. Jude blushed and moved back behind the mic.

"a 1, and a 2 and ..." The haunting strains of a piano filled the room. it was soon joined my the other instruments. On her cue Jude began to sing.:

_**People say he's only in my head**_

_**It's gonna take time but I'll forget**_

_**They say I need to get on with my life**_

_**They don't realize...**_

_**It's when your dialing six numbers just to hang up the phone..**_

Jude's mind drifted as she sang. Tom's number was still on her phone. She couldn't bear to delete it. When life was going south, and she felt lost or alone, she'd dial and list en for the tone. She never left a message anymore, but listened all the was though his voice mail. It never changed, but he never answered. But for Jude just hearing his voice, it eased the pain, for now at least.

**_Driving cross town just to see if he's home._**

She still drove by his place, it wasn't everyday thing, but she'd have a bad day, and the car would just seem to take all the right turns on it's own, like her 'tang knew what she really needed. Like the day they boxed up Tommy's office, She'd left work early that day claiming to have a doctor's appointment. She'd driven by the place the day she'd over heard Kwest tell Sadie he'd seen a For Sale sign on the house. Now a couple with a little Brunette girl lived there, they'd painted. Jude didn't drive by there anymore.

_**Waking a friend in the dead of the night,**_

_**just to hear him say it's gonna be alright**_

Mason was the only one with any idea how much he'd messed with her head. Mason had helped her write the song, to expel the demon haunting her. He said it's would help. For some reason Jude doubted it.

**_When you're finding things to do not to fall asleep,_**

**_Cause you know he's waiting in your dreams._**

**_thats when he's_**

**_more then a memory_**.

Jude still dreamed of him. She dreamed he'd come back,Tell her how much he'd missed her. He'd hug her kiss her, be the one to tell her everything was alright. She'd dream he'd never left, dreams of how their first date should have gone. She'd wake up feeling a little emptier then when she'd fallen asleep. The dreams that had once brought her comfort, were more nightmare now. Haunting her with images of what she'd lost. Sleep is an enemy now.

_**Took a match to everything he ever wrote**_

_**Watched his words go up in smoke**_

_**Tore all his pictures off the wall**_

_**That ain't helping me at all.**_

She'd gathered all of her pictures of them, of him. She put it with her keepsake box from becoming a 'star'. On the annaversy of the day they'd meet she's set it all aflame. She stood on the back porch of her apartment and cried as it all turned to ashes in the small grill. She thrown the ashes in to the dock, where he'd taken her that first afternoon.

'**_Cause when you taking aloud and nobody's there_**

Every so often, when she was stressed or sad she'd talk to her self, she'd pretend he was there with her, in the passenger seat of her car, behind her in the studio. Sitting at her kitchen table. She'd pretend he was answering her, guiding her again.

_**You look like hell and you just don't care**_

Gone was her punk rocker look. She now sported a slightly grunge 'just rolled out of bed look'. She didn't do her make-up. Jude only dressed up when she had to for work. The press had noticed it, they mistook it for growing up.

**_You're drinking more then you ever drank_**.

The day she'd turned 21 she'd bought her self a round at a bar she knew he'd always like to go to. Information she'd gleaned from Kwest. After having a drink there she gone to the liquor store near her home and bought a bottle of bourbon, and one of whiskey. She'd drank it all that night.

_**and sinking down lower then you ever sank.**_

The world and her family though she was over it, over him. She wasn't. She knew she never would be. Instead she was an actress, she'd chosen a part and played it well. But the play was coming to an end.

**_When you find yourself falling down upon your knees_**

_**praying to God begging him "please"**_

Jude recalled the first time she;d tried to record without him. The breakdown. Every moment that defined his absence in her life was burned in to her head. She could replay them at a moment's notice. She could look around the office and have a memory for every inch of the place. The same could be said for half the town. This would be her last album and at the end of the tour she would be announcing her retirement. She'd long since given up hope he'd hear her songs and return. Now she felt no joy in the music she'd once loved. And no longer could she pretend. She knew.

_That's when he's_

_more then a memory_

No she wasn't going to look for him.She had no idea where to start, or what to say when or if she found him. Tom had made it clear he had no use for her, no care or concern. Instead Jude had decided to try to find some sort of piece, she was going to travel for a bit. See sights she'd never seen on tour, and try and heal far away from his memory.

**_He's more._**

**_He's more._**

Spied's fingers played across the keys, but he stared shocked at the beautiful brunette before him. Her voice seemed toricochet off the rafters and pound it's self in to his brain. He'd not realized how she still suffered. He, her Bart, hadn't seen the pain. He was too caught up in his own success, and yet that, he realized was what she wanted. She'd wanted to suffer in silence.

**_Cause you're dialing his number just to hang up the phone_**

**_Driving cross town just to see if he's home_**

**_Waking a friend in the dead of the night_**

**_just to hear him say every things gonna be alright._**

**_When you're finding things to do not to fall asleep_**

**_Cause you know he'll be waiting in your dreams._**

**_Thats when he's_**

**_More then a Memory._**

With each line, Spied wondered how real this song was. He wanted to know if she drove By Quincy's place. Who she called at night when she couldn't take it. If she really avoided sleep. He felt tears well in his eyes. She'd said she'd needed to talk tonight after they have this in the can. Now he started to understand.Jude was saying goodbye.

**_People say he's only in my head_**

**_It's gonna take time but I'll forget_**

**_But when he's in every minute of everyday_**

**_Every thought I think_**

**_Every breath I take_**

**_He's everywhere and he's everything_**

**_He's more then a memory._**

Jude's voice rang out the last lyric and she turned to she the stunned face around her. She tried to think of what to say, but could find no words. She looked to Spied who seemed to be crying. He nodded at her. She looked over her shoulder to Mason, who also nodded, as if to say "We got it in one take". Jude looked back at Spied, then let her eyes drift over the others in the band. She walked to the couch where she'd left her purse, picked it up and walked out of the space. Never once did she look back. She had been right, it didn't help.

* * *

A/N: Okay so this is weird I know. It's not what I thought it would be. I like it, and hope others do to. I've taken my sweet time ( lol) writing this series and but that is because I wait fir the right song to hit me. I do however see a end coming. I have no idea how it's gonna end, I didn't even know Jude was going to leave the Biz. And Tommy, well he's no where to be found for me either...Well thanks to who's read this, and anyone who like reviews an Extra SPECIAL thanks! 


End file.
